


the cut that always bleeds , haikyuu!!

by seraphina_mae



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Multi, i didn’t realise how angsty this actually got until i reread it, this is a book you should read if you wanna make yourself sad, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:15:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24055006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraphina_mae/pseuds/seraphina_mae
Summary: COMPLETEDkageyhina!intentional lowercase!MAJ TRIGGER WARNING!" you are my sunshine , make me happy . "hinata shōyō has a secret. he's not the boy everyone thinks he is, at least, not anymore. even the sun sets after a while.will he accidentally slip up , will his teammates, and most importantly kageyama find out the truth about him?!finished editing!
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, More ships to come in the book
Comments: 47
Kudos: 120





	1. crazy

**Author's Note:**

> hi , this fan fiction is also posted on wattpad under the same title (@seraphina-mae) i really appreciate any support!
> 
> go follow my ig @sera.haikyuu

_**HINATA POV** _

"NICE KILL TANAKA!"

"Alright everyone , let's call it a day now , pack up and get some rest! "

Coach Ukai shouted.

"Hey Kageyama, are you walking my way today?

"Sure dumbass, let me get stuff."

I would've retorted calling him bakageyama, but he'd already run off to the locker rooms. stupid Bakageyama. I checked my phone , 26 missed calls off Natsu. Mum had bought her an disposable phone so she could call me if anything ever happened. A surge of panic ripples through my body as I rang back quickly.

"Natsu?"

"O-o-oni chan , it's mama , she's in hospital,"

I could hear her crying through the phone, then a muffled noise like a phone being passed over, and a male voice came on the line.

"Shouyou! It’s Dr Asaki from Miyagi hospital and I’m very sorry we've been trying to get ahold of you, your mother is intensive care right now and we are doing all we can to help her,"

"W...what happened..."

"It’s better if you come now , and I’ll explain properly in person!"

"Oh okay...I’m on my way."

Unease blossomed from within me; as brilliantly as the fragrant sakura trees that lined Miyagi in the height of spring. Mum had, issues. A whole host of mental health conditions of which she was _meant_ to take medication for. The problems really came about when she refused to take her pills.

"Suga , please could you tell Kageyama that I needed to go, my mums annoyed because I’m late aha,"

I let out an humourless giggle at the end to sound more convincing. I threw him a cursory smile as he agreed and said goodbye. I hopped on my bike and raced down to the hospital, wind blowing through my hair. Natsu needed me right now. I was nervous to say the least, but my feelings weren’t important right now. She was safe this time, Mum hadn’t gotten too bad then.

"ONI-CHAN!"

A small, ginger bundle ran into my arms as I came onto the unit. She looked tired and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. I felt guilty seeing my little ray of sunshine like this.

"It’s ok now Natsu, I’m here."

I held her tightly, whispering comfortingly in her ear as she whimpered quietly. Dr Asaki noticed my presence and came jogging down the hallway.

"We’re gonna have to admit her this time Shouyou, this is her 5th suicide attempt this year, I’m so sorry, do you have a guardian who can look after you and Natsu?"

"Uh yeah my Auntie May, she lives near us!"

"Ok, stay safe kiddo , do you wanna see her?"

"No thank you. I’ll take Natsu home. Goodbye?"

"Bye Shouyou, I’ll call with updates on her condition."

I lifted Natsu on top of my shoulders while I wheeled my bike along next to us. I didn’t exactly want to lie to the doctor, he’d done nothing but help me, my mum and Natsu over the years. Auntie May was real but she moved abroad to be with her american boyfriend 4 years ago. She used to protect us. Now all me and Natsu have are each other.

I resent Mum. It feels bad to say it, but truly I do. She stole my childhood, married a horrible man who thankfully is not in our lives anymore. Even if I know it isn’t all her fault, she can’t always control her mental state and the things she does.

After a long journey we arrived home , I cooked some ramen and we had ate in relative quiet. The atmosphere was different when mum wasn't here , more relaxed. But Natsu seemed unsettled, she missed her. She was to young to understand.

I tucked natsu into bed, pressing a warm kiss onto her forehead goodnight. The hallways were all dark now, the electricity was on and off seeing as we weren’t very well off. I walked into my room, collapsing onto the bed, letting the darkness overwhelm me for a moment. All the feelings I had suppressed today came to the surface, and I couldn’t help myself.

MAJ TRIGGER WARNING. EXPLICIT SELF HARM. SKIP THE REST OF THIS CHAPTER IF YOU'LL BE TRIGGERED! <3

Reaching under my pillow, I felt the cold, steel blade between my fingertips. I shouldn't do this. I know I shouldn't. But Natsu would be better off if I was gone. She could move to America with Auntie. Live a happy life in a big house like a movie star. They’d all be better off without me. Ukai and Daichi probably only let me play on the court because they pity me. They all must hate me so much. I’m just not good enough. I’m dirty, so dirty. Not even my own mum loves me.

I dragged the metal against my wrist, warm bloody starting to escape my body. I felt nothing.

Another cut.

And another.

And another.

Until my arm was littered in fresh cuts, joining the old ones to create a mess. The angry jagged lines from every battle I’d lost. It was only when I’d calmed down, and come back to my senses , when I felt the sharp shock of pain. I had to be insane.

Crazy must run in this family.


	2. training camp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi , thank you for reading , this story is also posted on wattpad under the same title (@seraphina-mae)! 
> 
> Sorry this chapter is a little shorter than usual <3

"Training camp remember guys tonight , be here 9:30pm sharp! "

" Yes coach! "

Crap.

I’d forgotten about that. It had been easy to after Mum had been sectioned for the past week, with no updates from Asaki yet. I’ll have to ask Mr Katsuki and his husband next door to look after Natsu for couple days. I always felt a little funny about asking, but I didn’t need to arouse any suspicion from the team if I couldn’t come to camp. The couple were sweet and kind, very famous figure skaters once upon a time but now they lived a relatively normal life in the suburbs of Miyagi.

"Hey Hinata , you good?"

Nishinoya was looking at me, along with everyone else, looking a little confused.

"....yeah why?"

"you just said 'Crap' pretty loudly."

"Um...uh...it’s nothing, my arm just hurts a little."

A passable excuse, but not one of my best.

"Oh lemme see, we can help you bandage up if you've hurt it!"

OH HELL NO.

He can't see my arms. No matter what, he can’t see my arms.

"I swear it fine. Honestly, don't worry, I’m sure I just stretched it by overworking myself aha."

The first bit came out a little louder and frantic than I intended. An awkward silence lingered for a few moments, before everyone dropped the situation and continued to pack away the gym. Kageyama turned to me,

"Hey dumbass , you wanna walk today? "

"Sure! let's go,"

Walks home with the idiot Kageyama were my favourite part of the day , (other than practice) , but also part that I hated at the same time. It was a walk into uncertainty most days. I’d have to prepare myself for whatever I walked into. Some days she'd be normal, cooking dinner, baking cookies or cleaning. Others she'd be screaming and wrecking the house, or beating me. But Kageyama made it better by just being there. he was a great distraction. We usually walked home in a comfortable silence, sometimes we'd talk about games or practice. The whole situation was bittersweet. After a while , we reached the intersection parted ways.

"See ya later dumbass, "

"Bye Baka,"

I got home, Natsu was staying at a friends tonight, so all I had to arrange was her being picked up and hoping that our neighbours could look after her for a few days. I packed my bags for camp , and went over to Mr Katsuki’s house and knocked on the door.

"SHOYO! How nice to see you! how's your mother and Natsu?"

I gave him short and sweet response , and asked him and Mr Nikiforov to look after Natsu for a couple days since 'mum was on a business trip'. He agreed , thank god.


	3. sneaking suspicion

_**KAGEYAMA POV** _

Hinata was acting weirdly lately. Scrap that. He always acted weirdly. Maybe I didn't notice it first , because I didn't know him all to well and I kinda hated his guts. But there's these little things that just...get to me. I feel like he's hiding something from us all. Behind his cu— no , uh , normal smile. Something, I couldn’t quite decipher what it was, something didn’t feel right. He was always so happy , a little to happy to be real all the time. 

It was the things like he always seemed nervous as i left him to go home , he never invited me over , I’ve never even met his mum or dad or any of his family, the way he flinches when someone raises their arms at him. The way he showers 6 or 7 times sometimes in the locker rooms. The way he always wears long sleeves even in the summer time.

Now I’ve never been good at maths, but this really didn't add up.

I looked out the window and watched Miyagi become a small blur behind us as the coach milled onwards. Hinata was curled up next to me , leaning on my shoulder , fast asleep. He looked so peaceful, but his eyebrows were furrowed and he kept whimpering and saying 'no'. It was weird. He was probably having a nightmare. I was tempted to wake him up, but I remembered an article in the volleyball magazine I was reading that it’s bad to wake up someone in the middle of a nightmare.

After a while, the sounds stopped and he was peacefully sleeping soundly as we pulled up to training camp, late.

"Hinata ."

"Hinataaaaa wake up."

"Dumbass come on wake up,"

He was fast asleep, I looked at Narita and Kinoshita who were sat next to us, giving them a pleading look that in hindsight might have come across as a glare.

"Just pick him up for now Kageyama."

Daichi laughed a little, I hadn’t noticed his figure looming over mine.

"How am I—ugh—fine."

I picked him up in my arms, he fit perfectly, a ginger little bundle of sunshine. It was a kind of uncomfortable because I didn’t want to drop him but I successfully carried him out of the bus. Tsukkishima made a snide comment as I walked by that I didn't quite catch. I would've usually shot back an insult, but I felt weirdly protective over Hinata. As the evening sunlight hit my eyes, I noticed the bug eyed stares of everyone around us.

That’s when I became extremely conscious of the position we were in. His legs where wrapped around my torso, his arms slung around my kneck, with mine holding onto his thighs. I felt my face flush bright red.

"WHAT ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT."

"Looks like king really does have a queen."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP TSUKI."

I felt Hinata snuggle into my shoulder

"Kags—whats going on,"

Yawning he moved his face back and locked eyes with me and I see just how pretty they really are. They’re not a solid, boring brown. spirals of maroon colliding with honey droplets and even a green colour filled with light. It was also at that moment I realised a horrible truth.

I liked Hinata Shouyou.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note
> 
> Hiii ! I hope you are all doing well and staying happy and healthy! this chapter was the most fun to write so far ack they are the cutest. the next chapter will be a sad one , and there is a trigger warning i will put in. 
> 
> Lots of love , Seraphina - Mae


	4. night terrors

I almost dropped him and mocking voices came from all round us. Coach Ukai looked over at us raising an eyebrow, and i set down Hinata reluctantly. I saw him whisper something to Takeda, but it was inaudible from so far away.

"You fell asleep dumbass."

His cheeks turned a strange pinkish colour, probably just because it’s warm.

"Oh s-sorry Kageyama, "

"HINATAAAAAAA!!!"

Lev shouted as him and the rest of nekoma followed behind.

"LEVVVVV!"

I felt a pang of jealousy as I watched Lev and Kenma hug and greet hinata, they looked so happy. Kuroo, Bokuto and Akaashi came towards us all to see what all the ruckus was about and a similar thing happened again. Hinata really was popular. There was something about him that just, attracted people to him. It was sort of annoying, especially when they got all handsy with him...

"Have you gotten shorter Hinata?"

"I’ll have you know I’ve grown half a centimetre!"

—time skip brought to you by thicc bokuto —

_**Hinata POV** _

It was an exhausting day. I didn't want to admit it, but my crazy stamina had worsened since everything happened. A time I wanted to forget. The fear i'd become like my mum or dad one day scared the shit outta me. What if crazy was genetic? It was catching up on me, the emotions of my past I’d buried along with my dad. I hoped nobody noticed anything was off. Yet I still felt so empty inside, like I’d lost something I couldn’t get back.

**TRIGGER WARNING - SELF HARM ,, NIGHTMARES ,, SEXUAL ASSAULT**

I needed to feel something. Other than the fear and sadness, I wanted to feel. The room was dark, everyone had fallen asleep. Stifling through my bag, I pulled out the small blue box where I kept my supplies. Some bandages tumbled out as I opened the lid. I grabbed the shiny, metal blade and held it tightly in my hands. I shuffled out my blanket as quietly as possible, making sure to cast my eyes over the room one last time.

It wasn’t uncommon for Tsukishima to be listening to music through his headphones way into the night, and I did not want to try and explain to him why I was still awake. My feet padded quietly over to the door, I gently twisted the handle, and tiptoed out the room. Flicking the switch in the bathroom and the dull light glitched a bit, then turned fully on. My reflection looked terrible. No matter how much I washed, I’d never get rid of his hands on my body.

I sat in a cubicle, dragging the blade against my torn up wrist. Angry little red lines scratched their way up my entire arm, a symbol of my weakness. 

_"You are a worthless piece of shit."_

Another.

_"shut up and take it."_

Another.

_"it's your fault."_

Another.

I felt the salty taste of my own tears as I cleaned up. It hurt so much. But I deserved it. I went to go grab a bandage, to only then I realise that I’d left them in the box. Turning the lock on the cubicle, I cautiously walked out, the bathroom was still empty. I clutched at my arm and tried to pry open the cupboard under the sink.

Assuming there would be a first aid kit of some sorts there, and not just cleaning supplies. I was right for once, and grabbed the open box, finding wipes and bandages. Wincing are the sting of disinfectant against my skin, I quickly wiped up all the excess blood. I wrapped a bandage around my arm and rolled my sleeve back down. Small splotches of crimson red still littered the white fabric, but it was a good enough job. 

I pulled myself up reluctantly, and jogged back the room, eager to get back into bed before anyone might notice I was gone. I mean, they might not even have cared but on the off chance. As soon as I was curled up again in the swaddle of blankets, the soft hum of my teammates breather and light snores sent me off to sleep.

_"Dad! I got on the volleyball team!"_

_"Well done Shōyō! My talented little spitfire!"_

_"Where's mum and Natsu?"_

_"Mum's in hospital , natsu is sleeping at a friends, it's just us tonight,"_

_"Oh ok."_

_I ran up to my room, taking off my uniform and —. Suddenly there was a firm knock at my door and it flung open. My dad stood at the frame. I mean, why even bother knocking if you’re just going to waltz your way in here anyways._

_"DAD GET OUT!"_

_I shouted, embarrassed and slightly confused. but he didn't. He walked forwards , a look in his eyes, indecipherable and cold. All I had on were my SOA boxers, and I made a effort to grab a shirt and pants to shove on. I shouted at him more, but he just kept walking to_ wards _me. he had a sickening grin on his face as he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me down._

_"D...dad...what the...what are you doing?"_

_My heart sank into my chest as I felt the overwhelming sense of impending doom and panic wash over my body. I didn’t recognise the man that stared at me, this couldn’t be my dad. I wondered for a moment if maybe he had caught mum’s condition, it wasn’t contagious but I mean you never know..._

_"Don’t struggle, it'll only make this harder."_

_Make what harder exactly...?_

_His usually loving, comforting hands travelled all over me, this was wrong, so so wrong. I begged for him to stop. But he wouldn't. Maybe this was just something I was imagining._ _This_ _isn't real. This can’t be real. but the hands wondering down to the top of my waist and felt very real. His cigarette scented breath, panting over me felt very real._

_"NO , STOP, PLEASE, I'LL DO ANYTHING."_

_"Shut the fuck up, you want this, this is your fault for looking so much like your fucking insane mother."_

_This wasn’t the man I grew up calling dad. He wasn’t the man who made pancakes on Sunday morning and sprinkled chocolate chips on-top, always giving me a couple extra. He wasn’t the man who cheered me on at my first ever volleyball game and practiced with my in the backyard._

_"STOP STOP STOP IT, NOT THERE NO, NO, NO"_

_The world turned into a blur, and so did all the sounds. The taste. The smell. Everything was just gone. A lone tear traced down my cheek, and then the rest came. So many tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. My chin trembled as if I was a small child. I breathed heavier than I ever had before. I was gasping for air that simply wasn't there. I couldn't move, I was frozen. This was my fault._

_ I wanted this. _

"HINATA, HINATA, WAKE UP."

"WAKE UP HINATA."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUTHORS NOTE
> 
> that wasn't easy to write :/ . sorry for how sad that chapter was , i didn't realise until i finished writing it. the next one will have more kagehina cute moments i promise. i hope you guys are enjoying this story! i got my first vote and was super and happy so i made this a long chapter! I have another one shot book on my profile called 'Haikyuu!! Off Court'
> 
> lots of love , seraphina-mae <3


	5. comfort crowd

Hinata awoke with a start. The feeling of hands choking his throat and against skin was gone. His body had jolted upwards, causing a suprised Kageyama to shoot backwards from where he’d leant over his sleeping body.

Hinata felt a surge of hopeless sadness rush through him. Despite Kageyama’s presence, he felt familiar, lonely tears drop down his face. And they wouldn’t stop coming. The nightmare happened most nights, they’d vary in time and situation but it was always the same thing happening. Kageyama didn’t quite know what to do in this situation. But his grandad had always hugged him and reassured him as a child when he’d hurt himself playing volleyball or have a nightmare.

His limbs moving by themselves, he wrapped an arm around Hinata’s shoulders and pulled him close, gently rubbing his arm, mimicking his grandfathers magic hands that had seemed to take away all the pain in the world. At first, Hinata noticeable winced at the sudden contact, but then he seemed to relax a little more. Even though the unshakable heaviness in Shouyou’s stomach lingered, it fluttered at the feeling of his body pressed against Kageyama’s. He sunk into the warmth of his side, appreciative of the simple gesture. The setter’s touch made the room a little brighter somehow, made life seem a little less bleak.

"Kageyama..."

"Shouyou it’s ok."

The use of his first name made Hinata’s chest tighten a little, the way it rolled off Kageyamas tongue so naturally. The way his voice sounded, low, husky and comforting. His arm traced circles on Hinata’s back as he whispered words of comfort. It was a little awkward, after all Kageyama lacked the quiet tenacity of his grandfather. He didn’t ask questions though, Shouyou silently thanked him for that.

They stayed like that for a while, sharing a mutual desire to stay in each other’s arms. These feelings were new, but welcomed. Eventually they ended up pushing their two futons together, as silently as humanely possible as not to disturb anybody. Hinata clambered back in Kageyama’s arms, snuggling into his chest. Focusing on his steady heartbeat, Shouyou still found himself crying, breath hitching with every tear. 

"It’s ok Shouyou, just go back to sleep, I’ve got you."

He held onto him a little tighter, much alike to a koala clutching to a stick of bamboo. 

"Thank you Tobio..."

"You’re welcome boke-hinata,"

Kageyama quietly chuckled at his remark, and that even make Hinata smile a little. Accidentally on purpose, Tobio planted a small kiss on the redheads cheek. If not for the darkness of the room, they would’ve seen each other’s equally as flushed faces. And soon enough, in the warm embrace of his setter’s strong arms, Hinata fell asleep again, dreaming about volleyball and Kageyama, as he should’ve been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was pretty short, I thought this would be a good place to end this chapter. Some cute fluff to ease the pain of the last chapter. I hope you are all enjoying this story! All kudos, comments, bookmarks are greatly appreciated and motivate me to write more <3
> 
> Lots of love , Seraphina - Mae


	6. caught cute-handed

"Should we wake them up?"

"Nah, lemme just get a few more photos..."

"They are pretty cute~"

"Shut up Yamaguchi."

"Sorry Tsuki..."

Kageyama started to yawn and attempted to get up, before he opened his eyes to Hinata’s sleeping face. He looked...pretty. As much a Kageyama hated to admit it, he enjoyed holding him while they slept.

"Ah look, the king has risen."

"Shut up Tsukishima."

Hinata started to stir then, unaware of the others presence in the room. 

"W-what time is it?"

He asked sleepily, looking at Kageyama. The latter made a mental not of how adorable his groggy morning voice was.

"Time for you two stop fucki—"

Tanaka started, barely managing to get the sentence out through his and Noya’s giggles.

"CUDDLING and eat breakfast."

Daichi finished, alerting Hinata of the rest of the volleyball team surrounding the futons. Flinging up his body in panic at his eyes darted around the room. Kageyama sat up to, rubbing his eyes tiredly, trying to act like he’s not utterly mortified by what just happened.

"I don’t feel to good—my tummy hurts,"

Everyone felt a pang of sympathy for the boy, he did look pretty ill, his skin was paler, eyes were tired and dull. Even Tsukishima felt himself feel a little strange inside, which honestly scared him a little. Suga knelt down next to the bed and pressed his palm again Shouyou’s forehead. He noticed the burning heat radiating of him, and ruffled the boys hair sadly.

"Right uh, everybody go get breakfast, Hinata stay here and I’ll get you a plate and some meds from Kiyoko ok?"

"I can do it, Sugawara you’ll be needed in practice,"

Kageyama piped up, feeling the urge to look after the ginger. Suga looked taken aback by this but nodded and said that was ok.

"Aw king wants to look after his queen, how cute."

"Fuck off Tsukki."

"Don’t call me that. Stupid King."

"I swear to fucking go—"

"RIGHT you two, stop it now. It’s too early for your antics."

Eventually everybody left the room to eat and get started with the days practice. Kageyama had brought back breakfast in two takeout boxes Yachi had seemed to summon out of nowhere, she may be a nervous wreck most of the time but she sure was useful. He’d also got some pain medication from Kiyoko and a cold compress to try and bring the boys fever down.

"Hina?"

He asked to the room that looked empty, his items in hand.

"I’m in bed..."

A small movement came from underneath a bundle of blankets on the other side of the room. 

"How are you feeling baka? And come out from those blankets we’re supposed to be bringing your fever down."

Kageyama sat next to Hinata and gave him his box of food with a glass of water and his meds.

"It hurts but I’m okay. Kinda cold.

Hinata gave him a weak smile and a thumbs up.

"Uh...Kags can I have a hug?"

Tobio gingerly pulled Shouyou closer to him wrapping his arms around the small boy. Despite having done this last night, in the day light it seemed more awkward and scary. His embrace was nice and his big, strong arms seemed very protective when wrapped around Hinata’s frail body. The world around Hinata melted away as he squeezed him back, not wanting the moment to end.

"Um...Hina...it’s totally ok if you don’t want to answer this but is everything alright? You seem, different lately and I just wanted to make su—"

"Bakageyama I’m fine, a-okay!"

Throwing him the most convincing smile Hinata could possible fake.

Kageyama was suspicious but let it go, he’d tell him when he was ready too. It couldn’t be that bad...could it?


	7. unexpected arrivals

_**Kageyama POV** _

"Here take some more medicine..."

"Thank you Kags,"

"It’s nothing dumbass..."

"Really though. Thank you so much for everything."

Why did this sound like a goodbye? I gave Hinata a suspicious look, and all he did was smile. There was something in his eyes, something I couldn’t quite discern. A look of pain maybe. I watched as he fiddled with his sleeves, as if the friction of fabric against his skin hurt. And then it clicked. Kind of.

"Sho, do your arms hurt?"

"No. Of course not..."

"Then why are you doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"Fiddling with them like you feel uncomfortable if they touch your skin, you could just wear short sleeves you know? And your fevers still not down, you should probably take off that shirt you’re always wearing it!"

"I...Uh...it was my—"

His eyes were practically burning in the ground as I noticed small dots of dried up blood on the forearms of his shirt. Then it definitely clicked.

"Why Hinata, why would you—"

_**Hinata POV** _

I met his gaze awkwardly. He knew. I saw that look in his eyes, a look a disappointment, he knew. I felt tears well in my eyes again. I’d cried so many tears, but this felt different.

He takes my arm. The one that’s covered in little angry red scars. My heart skips a beat.

"How long?"

It was all he asked. I couldn’t open my mouth to answer the question. He didn’t press me for an answer, which surprised me a little.

"It’s nothin—."

I manage to struggle out , the sensation of the hands around my throat returning again.

"You know," he begins, and I prepare myself, "Our lives are like books, you can’t just skip chapters, that’s not how life works. You have to read every line, meet every character. You won’t enjoy all of it, hell some chapters will make you cry for weeks, some with make you want to tear the pages apart. You will read pages you don’t want to read, you will have moments when you’d do anything for the page not to end, but you have to keep going Shouyou, you can’t close your book, because it’s barely begun yet."

His voice choked up as he finished, tears of his own pouring down his face. It felt a little strange to hear something so wise and poignant come out to the quick to anger king of the court. It almost felt like maybe he was recalling something someone had once said to him.

I stared at him, for the first time and really looked at him. His tall muscular frame. His frown lines, ironed into his face. His dark obsidian hair. But in him, and only him, I saw a unique kind of beauty. His eyes were a rich brown that stole your breath while looking through your soul. 

Guilt mounted in my chest as I opened my mouth to reply, he wouldn’t believe me, but this was the only way, I wouldn’t admit something was wrong.

"I don’t know what you’re on about. That was my cat baka."

I let out a airless laugh as I watched this expression shift. Anger seemed to find a way onto his face as his eye brows furrowed in rage, tears falling like a tragic waterfall.

"STOP LYING TO ME. JUST STOP LYING. YOU ARE NOT OK. AND YOU’RE BEING SELFISH. ALL I WANT TO DO IS HELP YOU, AND YOU JUST KEEP PUSHING ME AWAY."

"I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP KAGEYAMA. WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME?!"

"BECAUSE YOU’RE LYING TO ME, I KNOW YOU ARE."

"I’m...I’m not...I..."

I rand out of words to say, I’d never forget that look on his face. Feeling my heart break in two I stood up, ignoring the pain in my chest and stomach, and stormed out of the room. 

———————————————————————

_**3rd Person** _

Hinata looked worse today, but he still went to practice. It was depressing watching the sunshine seem so, out of it. The passion in him had gone out like a light. Kageyama wouldn’t go near him, and he wouldn’t go near Kageyama.

The Karasuno Team felt like they were watching Hinata slip through their hands but there was nothing that could be done. Every time anybody asked about his well being, he’d give the same automated response. He couldn’t even bring himself to convincingly fake a smile anymore, but he still tried. Even other teams had tried, weirded out by the sudden change they’d seen since last camp.

"WHERE’S MY LITTLE SPITFIRE HUH."

"Ma’am I’m going to ask you to calm down a little please..."

Takeda Sensei followed behind the woman.

All eyes in the gym turned to where the door had slammed open. A woman with burning orange hair, almost the same as Hinata’s and a small carbon copy of the woman in her arms burst into the gym. Kageyama noticed Shouyou’s eyes widen in...panic?

"Natsu..."

He whispered, audibly enough for the black haired setter to hear. Everybody looked at each other sharing a similar expression _What the fuck is going on, who is she?_

"HINATA BABY WHERE ARE YOU?"

Then everyone looked at Hinata.

"Is that your m—"

Sugawara started.

"Mum."

"AH THERE YOU ARE HONEY! THE HOSPITAL DISCHARGED ME!"

Worry surged through Hinata’s veins, the hospital hadn’t discharged her, she’d escaped. She had a hospital gown on underneath the large coat the was wearing. He noticed the blue gown peeking from under the brown trench coat.

"AND LOOK WHO’S WITH ME!"

A tall man, almost Lev’s height, stepped into the doorway. A terrifying smile etched on his face. 

"D...D...Dad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was very angsty. And jesus what a chapter to write. Broke my heart a little to write that scene. This book is coming to an end soon I think, it’ll probably end up being 10-15 chapters long depending on where the story takes me.
> 
> I hope you are enjoying this story, all kudos, comments and bookmarks are appreciated!


	8. dad?

"D..D...Dad?"

Fear. All I felt was pure fear. His menacing eyes bore into mine as memories started to flood back that only resurfaced in my darkest nightmares.

I felt as if the entire world had come from underneath me in the space of a minute. I wanted someone to help me, but who could i tell? I needed someone to just make it go away. 

"That’s right Shou, it’s me."

He looked at me expectantly, feeling more like a threat than a peace gesture. I couldn’t exactly shout out,

'oh yeah that’s my dad who raped me and then left us and my batshit crazy mum who beats me sometimes,'

to the entire gym. I couldn’t escape. I was trapped.

"You’re coming home with us Shouyou!"

"I don’t want to go..."

I said, quietly as I shrank back within myself. The rest of the team and the other players in the room looked extremely confused, and could clearly tell something was off. Their concerned looks and raised eyebrows said everything.

"I’ve never known you be so rude young man. What about your little sister?"

Natsu was with them, she looked fast asleep, if only I could just take her and stay here. But I knew it was pointless. I needed to protect her from him and from her. She needed me, and if that meant me getting hurt again, then that’s what it meant. I gave Kageyama a sorrowful look, trying to communicate with my eyes. 

_I’m sorry_.

The room was silent as I walked towards the gym doors, every step i was taking felt like walking in hells fire. 

"Ma’am, can’t Hinata stay? I’m sorry if I’m intruding but this camp is really important, we can even look after Natsu if needed,"

Suga cut in, an actual angel, he was a living breathing angel.

"What kind of manners are you giving these delinquents?!"

My _dad_ responded, pointing an accusing finger towards Takeda Sensei and Coach Ukai. 

"Sir—"

At that moment my mum grabbed me, and dragged me out the gym. It was no good struggling. This was inevitable. Something about leaving this gym felt like a death sentence, I had the horrible foreboding feeling that I was never going to see them all again. My dad stayed for a minute, I could hear blurred shouts but everything felt like a fever dream. If only I’d just wake up. 

I didn’t even get my belongings, before I was shoved into a strange car and my birthgivers sat in the front seats, Natsu strapped in a car seat beside me. She hadn’t even stirred or moved during the entire commotion. 

_How the fuck did I get here?_

_If only I’d told Kageyama..._

"Look at us all, happy family all back together again."

My mum make a freakish smile in the rear view mirror, and that’s when I spotted it in the right car door pocket. A knife.

A fucking butchers knife.

_Well fucking shit._

"Stupid, fucking crazy woman. Why’d we have to pick up that piece of trash?"

"Don’t say that about my son."

"Dumb whore."

Something seemed to snap in mum. I saw that look in her eyes before. The look before her fist would hit me in the stomach. She never left bruises where people would see, at least she was sane enough for that. I watched her trembling hands reach for the knife in the glove compartment. I unbuckled Natsu, and held her in my arms as she slept. Closing my eyes, this wasn’t something I wanted to see. I tightly bolted them shut, but what I couldn’t do was stop myself from hearing.

"You want to say that again?"

"You really a insa—"

A bone-chilling squelching sound.

A male scream.

A hysterical female laugh.

I opened my eyes, oh how I instantly regretted that decision.

His throat had been cut and he lay like butchered animal in a waste of blood...I saw the severed vessels, sticking like corrugated pipes through the clotted blood. Dad was propped, ungainly as a rag doll, against the window. His head had drooped forward and over his chest a great mat of blood had spread.

A night ago, I had been in Tobio’s arms, reassured, he told me everything would be ok.

This was not ok. 

I clung to the still sleeping Natsu, anticipating tears that never came. I wasn’t quite sure how I felt. I felt relieved but also inexplicably sad at the same time, he may have been my abuser but he was my dad. My dad who had been so loving and wonderful at one time in my life. And now he was...he was dead. Truly dead. Not just buried in my mind, but he was gone. He’d never have to answer for what he did, he got the easy way out.

"Let’s go for a drive."

Mum turned up the radio as loud as it would go and she wouldn’t stop laughing.

How the hell did it come to this?

I am **_not_** ok with this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL THAT WAS A WILD ONE.
> 
> This book is coming to an end soon, and I want to thank everyone for the support, when this is finished I’ll be starting on a new story, the first chapter of that will come out as the last called chapter of this story drops.


	9. sunset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone!
> 
> this is the second to last chapter of 'the cut that always bleeds'
> 
> i will be starting a new Haikyuu!! fan fiction, trying a different ship, thank you so much for the ongoing support, all the kudos, bookmarks and comments!  
> more information on the new book will come in the last chapter!
> 
> a special thanks to @Arie_123 , they have been commenting and supporting me since I published my first one shot in my other book 'Haikyuu!! Off Court'! thank you so much arie <3

Hinata’s eyes scoured the landscape that flew past the car window. No signs of life except for a few stray birds, if this had been any other situation, he would’ve admired the beauty of the fields that seemed to roll on forever. 

But no. He was stuck in the car with a dead rapist, his sleeping sister and psychotic mum at the wheel. This all felt way too AO3 fan fiction...

Suddenly, Hinata felt a vibration in his volleyball jacket pocket. Wait a minute. His hand reached in and pulled out his phone. Oh my god. He’d been blessed. Concealing the phone between his chest and Natsu’s sleeping body, he turned it on.

No new notifications.

Did they not care?

The only group of people who Hinata thought might actually care, didn’t. They hadn’t bothered to text or call or even see if he was okay. He checked the time on his phone, it was well past when practice would’ve finished.

Whatever awaited him, might not really matter. Nobody would bother if Shouyou died would they? Only Natsu. Only the little ginger bundle of joy, unmoving in his arms. His only reason to keep fighting.

Hinata didn’t know where he was going, nothing in the surroundings indicated where they were, no signs, no nothing. All he could see, was a body of water forming in the distance. It got closer and closer every second that passes by. And his mum was still stepping on it. 

She wasn’t....

She wouldn’t...

Then again, he’d just seen his mother kill his _dad_ in cold blood, and laugh. So his definition of normal behaviour was very loose right now.

She wasn’t going to drive the car in the water right?

As the lake got closer and closer, and she showed no intention of slowing down, it became clear. She was trying to kill them all.

If Natsu wasn’t in the car, Hinata would’ve accepted his fate. Let himself die with his abusers. But she was. And he needed to save her, wake her up, and save her somehow.

"Mum...what’re you doing?"

Shouyou’s mum looked back, giving him the creepiest smile he’d ever seen.

"We’re going to all be together forever darling!"

"Mum, can we stop the car, I think...uhh...Natsu needs to pee!"

Hinata’s mother let out a humourless giggle.

"Oh honey, no she doesn’t dummy. She doesn’t need to eat, pee or anything now!"

"What do you mean—"

"I mean, Natsu’s like your dad."

She said it so easily, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

_**HINA** _ _**TA** _ _**POV** _

_Natsu’s like my dad?_

_What the fuck is that meant to mean?_

It clicked.

I brought Natsu’s face to mine, and listened.

No...

NO.

NO.

NO.

NO.

She wasn’t breathing.

"NATSU?! WAKE UP CARROT TOP!"

I felt desperation surge through my veins as I screamed at the unmoving child. She wasn’t sleeping all this time...she was...dead. They killed her. They fucking killed her.

"YOU CRAZY PYSCHOTIC BITCH. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU."

I screeched, not caring about anything that might happen. The pure fury I felt in my veins pulsates throughout my body. Then came the grief. It felt like a emptiness in my heart, a shear of nothingness that somehow took over and clutched my tired soul and threatened to kill me entirely. A Natsu sized hole gaped wide and ached in my heart.

"PLEASE WAKE UP. COME ON. DON’T LEAVE ME."

_Don’t leave me._

_Wake up._

I screamed until my mouth ran dry. The lake was in front of the car now. I had nothing. Nobody to fight for. I felt the car lurch forward as the water dragged it down. Even if I wanted to escape, there was no chance now. A vibration. Then another. Then another. I grabbed the phone again. 

**_9+ messages from :_ **

**_KARASUNO FLY!_ **

**_KIT KATS AND CROWS_ **

**_BAKAGEYAMA <3_ **

**_SUGAMAMA_ **

**_AND 10 MORE_ **

****I didn’t get these before because there was no signal. Fuck. Oh no. I’ve made a mistake.

They _did_ care.

I opened Kageyama’s messages', I needed to see what he had to say before I died, even if I treated him like crap the other day.

_Hinata? Are you ok?_

_Hina, What happened?_

_BOKE COME ON RESPOND ALREADY?_

_ARE YOU SAFE?_

_Please text me back Shouyou, even saltyshima is worried_

_I love you boke. Please please please just text us back so we know you’re okay._

I started typing out a response, my final message for him and everyone. And send. That’s when the flurry of water hit me. I hadn’t seen the rising water level in the car, until I looked out the window, and realised we were fully submerged.

My arms and legs kick out desprately as I try to escape, suddenly feeling the urge to live. The dark indigo swirles around me, trapping me, keeping me from the oxygen I needed. My entire body is throbbing, my lungs feel as though they've been set on fire.

Slowly, black begins to seep in at the edge of my vision. I try to open my mouth to breathe, but I only got salty water. Then, ever so slowly, everything faded away. Painfully, quietly. I didn't want to die like this, but it was too hard to try to fight, so I simply let the darkness take over me. His face flashed in my mind, his eyes as blue as the water.

_I love you too Tobio Kageyama, I’m sorry._


	10. the cut that always bleeds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! This book has been a wild ride , and i kinda wish it wouldn’t end, but all good things must.
> 
> thank you so so so much from the bottom of my heart for all the kudos and comments!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FOR ADDED EFFECT LISTEN TO 'VISIONS OF GIDEON' WHILE READING THIS CHATER!

_Dear Bakageyama,_

_This is going to be the last message you get from me. I’m sorry. And I love you. You deserve better than me, i’ve been used, i’m dirty and my arms are covered in ugly scars. I don’t want you to cry or lash out at anyone. You’ll find someone taller and stronger than me to spike your crazy sets like BWAHHH and BOOOOM :) Don’t miss me, don’t blame yourself. Tell the team that it’s not their fault, and that they are the best friends i’ve ever had. I’m going to die, but as I close my eyes for the last time, I’ll be thinking of you all._

_If only I could’ve stayed in your arms that night forever._

_I love you Baka, more than volleyball, more than anything._

_\- your dumbass_

Kageyama had to tear his eyes away from the screen as he finished reading the message for the 100th time that day.

The whole team stood around the grave. Frozen. The emptiness in his heart, the numbness pounding his brain, the salty tears that flowed unchecked from his eyes, the shear nothingness that now took hold of his soul threatened to engulf him entirely. His legs buckled, knees crashing onto the sodden grass, watching as the coffin lowered to its final resting place. Whispering no, over and over again like a broken record. He bawled, making an animalistic yell as he cried out in pain. 

Sugawara clung to a trembling Daichi while he wept. _He’s gone._

Asahi bawled his eyes out, as Nishinoya tried to comfort him despite his own tears.

Narita, Ennoshita and Kinoshita stood, a look of guilt and pain etched in their faces as they thought of the little ray of sunshine.

Saeko held her little brother, Tanaka, as he sobbed wildly.

Ukai, senior and junior stood with Takeda as they quietly shed tears for the boy. They tried to stay strong, for the team.

Kenma who had never been one for emotions, erupted in screaming sobs only interrupted by his need to draw a breath, as Kuroo comforted his best friend, whispering reassuring words, while his own eyes watered. 

Yamaguchi, Tsukishima and Bokuto stood next to the pair. Yamaguchi struggled to control his wailing, while Bokuto didn’t hold back.

Tsukishima felt a lone tear trace down his cheek, and just like that, the floodgates opened. So many tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down his face. _I’ll miss you shrimpy._

Other members from teams whom Hinata had known paid their respects, like Ushijima and Tendou, Oikawa and Akaashi. Oikawa would miss his chibi-chan.

They all left the graveyard with damaged souls, and a Hinata shaped hole in their hearts. Except for Kageyama. He stayed, despite Daichi’s efforts to convince him to go and eat with the rest of the team. 

And he spoke alone, he spoke to Hinata.

"I could write a million letters, each one the same as the last in sentiment and cadence. But in none of them could I ever describe the pain of seeing you in a grave, or let go of the crippling guilt I feel. You should be here, I wish I was dead with you so I didn’t have to be here alone. I don’t know if people would think that is selfish or not and even if it is, to hell with the rest of the world and their opinions. You should be here. I miss you. Your pretty hazel eyes, beautiful smile, your gorgeous ginger locks, strong heart, torn mind, and kind, tortured soul. My heart is missing an integral piece, a part that keeps it from working correctly. Come back to me boke. Please come back to me baby."

Kageyama lay on the ground next to the grave. Placing a singular sunflower on the top of the dirt. He had no tears left. Only an empty feeling that wouldn’t ever leave him. He stared up at stars, wondering if _he_ was watching, if _he_ was listening.

_If only you could’ve stayed in my arms that might forever._

Hinata’s death had tore Tobio’s heart in two. Leaving a cut. A cut that would always bleed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and rolllll credits
> 
> Anyone need some tissues? I sure do after writing that. Thank you so much for reading 'the cut that always bleeds' I hope you don’t hate me to much for the ending. For the last time in this book,
> 
> Lots of love, Seraphina-Mae x


	11. ending note

Hi everyone!

So, this story came to an end about a week ago, and the support has been unreal. I hope people continue to find this story because I do my best to reply to every comment! 

Now 'the cut that always bleeds' is over, i’ve been writing some different story ideas and I found one that stuck and that I really like. its called ‘serendipity’! 

Lots of love, Seraphina-Mae

_**Future Author here!** _

_So I reread this and was a little unhappy with some parts and so I’ve pretty heavily edited this book, I left the last chapter because I was pretty proud of it. I hope you all enjoyed, if you reread or are a new reader!_


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